picking baby names...not as easy as it looks

i decided a few years ago that i wanted all my kids names to start with the letter J, i dont know exactly why i just wanted to i guess. and so far i have
james lynn bouthillette
joaquin alexander bouthillette
but lately all i can thin about it is j just might not work ,and i dont know why i am feeling this way, i always thought my idea was so cute but i am convinced that i dont want a j for him.
and my mom keeps calling me with all these "southern" names.....not to be rude and all but um no, just because j0 had a semi origional name does not mean that i want all of them to,
i had some names i was looking at if i did pick j though
jeremy
jason
jacob
jack

but i really doubt i will do any of those because i dont think that i want it to be j....well i have some more time to decide i guess.

i was right

well i knda figured that he would come in today like nothing happened at all yesterday and it turns out i was right, boy am i annoyed at this point

getting better

i am upset about all that happened with stephen, but i am not going to let it get to me, i went to my class tonight and took my last pretast, i have taken all of them and passed every single one, i didn't do as well as i hoped with the essay so i am working on that thursday, but other than that i am more than ready to take the rest of the test, boy i am soooooo excited i have a test tomorrow, cross your fingers that i do well i think i will, you have to get atleast i think a 420, but
i got a 710 on the pretest, this one should not be to much of a problem.......yay

growing very thin

i never realized how patient i could be until i had to deal with a nineteen year old....child.
i have been trying to relax after all the stress he causes but just when i happen to calm down and think i bet things will be better now that i am relaxed.......yep thats right i was wrong, someone says something or does something that gets on the other ones nerves and it is all downhill from there, i dont know what to say, for that matter i dont think that i even know what to do.

we were in the pawn shop yesterday and my goodness jo was behaving better than him, every two min. i would say put that down, or no you cant have that, all i can say is that if i learned anything yesterday it is he does not go shopping with me.

oh and you are going to love this one.....so about a month or so ago a buy a car, no joke it was only $200.00 no i am not kidding, but i could only come up with 180.00 so stephen says to me i will help, i got $20.00 you can put in. which is totally fair because in the six months we have been together i have spent wel over $300.00 on things for him, i know how sad... because he is one of those people who says...oh i will pay you back i promise(not the time but i know plenty of people like that...oh i will never learn) anyway tonight he asks me if he can use the car, and if you know the days history he left this morning when i really needed help and did not come back till 2 min. before we left for school, oh yes i would have left without him. anyway, he wants to take this guy i dont know some place i dont know, and the guy has gas money,ummm no first of all you are a jerk for ignoring me all day, and second it is my car and if i dont want some guy i have never met before in my car, with who knows what...then that is my right.......anyway so i told him that and he said well i put twenty in that car so it is just as much mine as it is yours. well if you say so...not. i told him he owes me money so why does that $20.00 mean anything? he said give me twenty right now and i will never ask to use the car again...good one.i said i do not have $20.00 remember you lost my card. he said then that money i put in is going to something i want in the car...i want the radio..and the speakers. as if i mean come on how retarded are you get a life already.now i had to lock the doors because i was afraid he was going to do something stupid and he is going to show up tomorrow like nothing happened like he always does, now that is annoying if you ask me

why

becky has great news, she is now facebook friends with her real dad and his wife and her half sister, that is awesome for her, and i just became friends with the half sister but nobody gets to know about it, because my old bedardedness is old news, i am no longer a bedard so i am not part of any sort of that family, i dont get to have the special bond that becky is growing with the other parents family the drama will not end, becky gets a new sister, and i am just the old sister, and i dont get to have a new sister also because..........well i dont know why, if she really is my half sister then why cant we act like it like becky does.

pumpkin pickin????

well i go to bed at like midnight because all my excitement for the day to come makes it so i cant sleep.but then comes morning......what was suposed to be this great day turns out to be anything but.

i wake up to jo crying at about 5 thirty....way to early, i change him and give him a drink but he just will not calm down.so finally i go out back and get stephen because as you are well aware of, at this point i can not do much lifting, so rere keeps an eye on jo and i go out back and no joke i knocked on that door for well over 10 min. finally randy comes out and says to me you can try to wake him up.

i go in there and bug stephen till he finally rolls out of bed and we come back here, but by the time we get back here stephen thinks i made the whole thing up because jo is just sitting in his bed playing.....i got to say it must be the ty. kicking in or something because he was not like that a few min ago.

anyway jo will just not go back to bed, i know he is still tierd but no he just will not give in so we wheel his pack n play out to the livingroom and turn the tv on, put him in it and stephen dozes on the couch and i lay back in the recliner watching jo dance along with mickey and his friends until aparently i dozed also....

8 comes around and rere says to me i come out in the living room and everyone is asleep, i look over at her and say good he did go back to sleep maybe he will not be cranky later.

becky shows up about a half hour later we eat waffles and jo feeds ozzy some, yes cute cute

anyway we leave to go pumpkin pickin we drive around for over an hour looking for this "ghost" patch, i call it that because after a while i just decided that it did not even really exist after all

how annoying anyway we go to aub. yay....right...sure why not except i have no money it was not fun for me i was hot jo was hungry i think we just picked a bad day thats all.

anywho that is fine, but then i go to the dr.s and my urine has white blood cells in it so then i had to go to the hospital we think everything is fine but they have tests out looking. becky insists i come over and wrap presants, i go over and a few min later her "buddies" gome over and she says let me walk you to your car...how obvious can you be becky, just ask me to leave i will like i want to be there anyway.... not when they are there.what a total waste of gas a wasted trip to aub a wasted trip to norway, i put 20 in it yesterday and those are the places i went and it is already below 1/2 man that was my school gas money what the heck.

home from school

well, i am home, and even though it was later atnight than i would have prefered, i am super proud of myself, so get this you need atleast a 420 to pass, get this ..............i got a 710 that is right i got 1 thats right one question wrong i am convinced that i will be done in no time flat.


then there is the whole job thing, i am looking everywhere and even though it seems like so many different places are hiring i just can not seem to get a job

i am so stressed about it to because you dont know how bad i need one. i can not afford to do all these fun things with jo that i want and he deserves i just dont know what to do, i hope that when this schooling thing is out of the way that it will be that much easier to find a job..........man why does it have to be this hard??