Monday, November 30, 2009

desperate need of a couch

i dont know what to do, my couch got ruined, as everybody already knows, but i just cant seem to find one to replace it. and i still need atleast one more dresser, maybe two. i realized today when i was getting ready to eat lunch (spagettios) and i realized that i dont have a can opener, how sad, i didnt even think about that when i went appt. shopping


i am getting so tierd of not making myself tell people how i really feel about things, but everytime i do someone always gets hurt, i dont feel like i am being used, i just feel like people dont tell me things they want me to do, i know those are kinda the same thing, but they are not, why do you think i am going to say no???? you think i am that mean, i understand that i cant always say yes to you, but for the most part i am going to, dont lie to me, or work your way around the subject.
and all the drama of being afraid that i am going to hurt peoples feelings makes me just end up hurting other peoples feelings, you know what i mean, when i finally work up the guts to do or say something, the people either dont take it well, or they take it great and someone else does not take it well, that is where i wish i was like becky, i wish i could just do what i wanted to do, but i am to.... me to be able to do that.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

i am here

well i am in, after all the drama i am accually in, the problems started right away though, i should not use the stove unless i absolutley have to they said, because it is a loaner stove, my new one is coming monday. the toilet is still broken, it needs to be replaced, because of thanksgiving moving my stuff over is taking forever, the couch got ruined...... it seemed like it would just keep going down, but it accually didnt

becky came over a few times when i was feeling a little overwhelmed, and that really helped, she always makes thing look nice, and i really enjoy the company. things may sometimes feel stressful, but i am just so glad to be here, and i know that everything that is going will not be to long before they are fine.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

then the car

ok so the car is like barley haning on right now, and anytime i want to go anywhere stephen says to me something like do you really want to put the car through that. i know he says it so i dont go places like my sisters because he is afraid i will ask him to go with me. but today he calls me up and says to me i need to use the car to take my brother up to my moms, i said do you really want to put the car through that? he said it can handle it. i said do you have gas for it, he said no you can put some in cant you? i said no i have no money, i dont even have enough for rent, i dont know what i am going to do. he says well $5 is not going to hurt anything, just let me use the car, i said no, and he said remember that, and then he hung up. man i am sooo mad at him, he just keeps getting more and more childish.

simple saturday

i went to bed last night, very angry at facebook, yes i know are you kidding, mad at facebook, but i was, because that is my comunication center, i have no phone and i dont want to keep asking loreda to use hers. it is hard to figure out what is going on when your comunication center is not working, yes becky i got that term from you. anyway not only could i not talk to people last night, but i could not talk to becky, so i did not know what time oz was coming over this morning. well i went to bed at 11 something, later than i should, but sooner than i planned. but becky comes in just before 8 and drops him off. jo was still asleep because of all the crazy stuff that went on last night, he was all excited, but because he went to bed almost 2 hours later than normal, he was asleep, and because oz is a baby and does not understand not to blurt out random noises, jo woke up, so he did not sleep the normal amount of hours, so he was cranky as the moring went on, so he took his nap a little before noonish and is still asleep right now, so when he wakes up he is going to be crazy hungry, because he has not had lunch yet. oz just fell asleep a few min ago, he did not have a nap this morning so he was a little bit more tierd than say a normal day. stephen showed up just after 8 this morning, i was surprised, i thought wow you showed up when you said you were going to, maybe this means today will go fine, and today has gone fine, but no thanks to him. yes he did show up a t 8 something, but he did not help all and that is fine, i dont need the help, it is just nice to have. we had pancakes for breakfast, they were good, mine had chocolate ships in them so that was good. now it is 1 something, i am getting a few minutes to relax because they are napping, becky will be here in about 3 hours, then we will see where things go from there.

Friday, November 20, 2009

the move is getting close

well we called cmp today, and they will hook up the electric on monday, and that is good because that means that ball is rolling, i mean we cant move until it is turned on, so i am glad that is sorta out of the way. now we are waiting on that stove...........and everything is allset, other than that, so as soon as that gets there, i need to sign the papers, pay my rent, and move in. i am very excited about it. but come on, i have been being led on for over a month now, i wish at this point that it would just happen already.

well, we met


well i was preparing myself to meet them.....or him.....or them.....oh i dont know, well anyway, i was preparing myself, and then tonight i got a phone call and i was not sure who it first, then i was oh my word, i dont know so i go to dd with jo and we get there at 5:30ish, it was a little awkward at first......ok it was alittle awkward the whole time, but it was like after 8 when we finally left. i did not try to make it weird for him, but my shyness does that to people, a few more meetings and i think everything will be fine. i was invited over for thanksgiving, and even though i really am not the thanksgiving type, i think i will go, it will help us get to know each other better, and it will be good for jo. we will see where this leads, i think it may just be a good thing.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

the flu

so i got my h1n1 flu shot a while back, because of the mini outbreak, now i am not just immune to that, but a lot of stuff, even these small colds going around, i am just watching everybody aroound me get sick, while i just sit here...feeling fine. i feel bad for them, but i am very glad that i am not getting it

why is it taking so long

i got a phone call on saturday, from the lady at the park. that i sould be in by the weekend,the next one of coarse. well i waited and it is thursday night, and still no phone call, she said that she would call me a couple days before i can move, well then why has she not called yet???? i am trying to be patient but come on. i also dont have everything i need yet, i have a lot, enough to get by for now, but i do need a little bit more.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

staying at grams

we were at loredas house, and jo had finnally given in and fallen asleep...............and loreda comes home, i said right when they walked in shhhhhhhhh joaquin is asleep. and of course not so much they talk like i never even let them know..............then maggie starts crying..........that is right a six year old. and all the wakes up....great....we decide it is best to leave, i understand you are getting tierd of me being there, but come on i am leaving in less than a week, the least you could do would be to let jo sleep without the attitude, it has just been so out of hand lately...i have been wasteing gas that i dont have these past few days to try to keep myself out of there......i am running out of ideas though.i know everything will be fine next week...but it is hard to wait.

so we decide to stay the night at my grams house, she said yes, so we packed up, got in the car, and left....... as if anything will be any different when we get back, but i can hope it will be, and i can look at it like, hey 1 day closser.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

jo's halloween changes

october 31, 2008october 31, 2009
i knew he was a big boy who grew a lot this past year, but looking at these 2 wouldn't believe they are the same little man.

things are looking better

well yesterday did not go very well, and early this morning was not shapping up to be much better, but i guess i was wrong about today not going well, because it did, we went to walmart to pick something up for my grandmother, and the halloween stuff was soooooooooo cheaply priced. i got some pj's for jo, baby's costume for next year, a couple trick or treat buckets, a shirt for me, and a tote to store it all in this year. and the tote was halloween orange, adorrable.

so i drop jo off with stephen, so i can finish my busy day at a semi faster speed, i go to dhs, and wait in the waiting room for over an hour, but once i get in i was only in there for not even 5 minutes. i got a tracfone.......but dont call me because it is just for emergencies. but just to let whoever wants to know....the number is 595-1733 call if it is REALLY important.

i had to get oil for the car...............that threw me back a little, not much, but a little. i have no money, so it is hard to need stuff like that, i had to get the halloween stuff because all together i did not even spend $5 on it.

i got back to loredas, and find out that i am not watching austin there, so i had to go to my gram's house, not a problem because i would have probably gone up there anyway, but it was just a surprise for me. no prob. i guess i am not getting him tomorrow, or for the rest of the week, i must have really hurt beckys feelings last night, i feel terrible....i wish i hadn't have said anything.

before i leave for my grams house, loreda said someone from the adult ed office called, so i called them back, and........(wait for it)...................i passed my final test...........490..................yay.............i have it i have it i have it.i will have it in the mail by monday, so not only am i moving next week...or so, but i got my ged, and now, just yay.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

semi busy

well jo wakes me up around 7 this morning, about an hour early, but how is he supossed to know about the time change a couple nights ago. i hope that he does get back into routine soon though. i give him breakfast, but feel so.....strange, so after breakfast he plays in the playpen and i go lay down for a few minutes.but i get a phone call and have to take it, it is the lady from alpine park, she is ready for me to send her the papers, so i get those ready, i will be sending them out in the morning. i get jo ready and we go over to the post office to get a money order for insurance. get that, pay that, and head up to west paris to get stephen. we then go back to loredas, but i feel some tension when she got upset with jo not even 2 minutes after we get back, and i really feel it when she got annoyed when i asked if jo could take his afternoon nap in her he always does. so becky brings austin over, she leaves to vote, i take jo and ozzy to the dr. with me to get my shot.........i find out that i passed my glucose test, i AM anemic, and i have an infection and have to go to rite aid to pick up medicine tomorrow.but the low iron thing explanes the way i have been feeling lately.....i am constantly exausted. anyway we then go up to my grams house and jo and ozzy try this new baby snack gram picked up, they LOVE it. keith picked them austin up at 5ish and we left at about 6:30. me and stephen had a little argument...not any different than normal. jo goes to bed, stephen goes up to his dads, i am ok with it because i am allset with him being up back, they are soooo nasty, i am so done with it. i talk to becky, and even though i am wathing austin double the amount of time, by the way i have no problem with it, i love him, jo loves him nd we have a good time. but i am not getting paid anymore, i understand keith wants to hunt and he does not really get it in because he is one of those few people who accually work for a living, becky is lucky she found one of those guys, i want one. but anyway i am not getting paid more, it is fine because we are related, and it helps me deal with it and understand where they come from. if we were not related, i honestly dont know what i would say, i dont want to hurt her feelings, and i brought it up but backed down, to not cause any drama. i dont want to do anything to bring us any more apart than we are, for fear of the new family moving in on where i have been in her life. to many people are telling me what i should and should not do, why cant you leave me alone and let me might be because sometimes i dont even know what i want.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

nov. 1 2009

first jo wakes up at about 3ish and does not go back to sleep for a while, but he has 2 teeth trying to come through at once. but he gets back to sleep, we get up at around 9ish. and stephen head to west paris while me and gram go post halloween shopping. we get back around 4ish....did not get much, but got a couple good deals.

a couple hours later we decide to head to aub. and jo wanted to play on the we let him, he had a good time.