Thursday, April 22, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
i did it exactly as she told me, except one key thing, she said when you think they are done......they are not, just leave them in for a few minutes more, i was planning on doing that, except when the time came i looked at them and thought these are done, but they are soooo done i am not going to listen to my mom, i am just going to take them out, i wish i would have listened to her, they LOOKED done, but they were not. my first try did not go well, but i am ok with it.
well i was thinking about it and you cant be good at something without first being bad at it, so i am proud to say i am bad at making bacon :) i know that i will not be bad at it forever, but for now, i really really suck at making bacon, my mom talked me through it, on the phone but it did help. i did it in the oven,
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
my baby is a big ole mystery to me, now jo was born with blue eyes, just like most babies, but also like most babies....they changed.
cole was born with blue eyes, they did get darker, but just darker blue,
austin was born with brown hair, around 3 or 4 months his hair was red and a couple after that....he was blonde
is coles hair going to be blonde in a couple more months????
was not sure if he would be ready or not, but his crib had to go, it was getting alittle....... unsafe.
i knew better than to keep letting him use it, so it was a big boy bed or a pack n' play, and you know what, my big boy was ready for his big boy bed after all.
now it is different at nap time, he does take his naps in the pack n play, but he does great at night, and it has been a few nights, and each night that goes by he just does better and better.
i was going to wait till he was 2, but now i know i made the right choice.
we got up easter morning, it followed a night not worth mentioning....or even remembering at that...except that it was the first night jo was in his big boy bed, he did so well. we ate breakfast then opened our easter baskets, their grampa came to visit for a few minutes then i called my grandmother and she came to get us.
we got to her house about 20 minutes before my sister and her family got there, then when everybody was there we hung out outside and took some pictures...the oldest two boys went egg hunting, then we took it indoors where the boys got their baskets from my grandmother. we had lunch......pork chops, they were good but i really wanted ham....i know they are both pig, but i just wanted ham.
then it was late afternoon when we headed home, jo was so tierd. he had missed his nap.
all in all easter went great, 100% better than last year
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Facebook.....what, that is not a real person?
Nay(of coarse i love myself)
Paul Douglas (number 2)
U(no really you)
Xmen, gotta love them
Saturday, March 27, 2010
well this weekend really did not go the way i had planned for it to, but i cant really say that it is a bad thing, I had so much that i wanted to do, but trying to fix problems i had with people in my life had to come first. Everybody has there own problems, and yes it is important to talk to people about them, getting them off your chest and all that, but don't drag others down with you. i care about so many people, some that don't give me much thought, it doesnt mean i dont care about you just because i am not the one you turn to when you need somebody. But i have been blowing a lot of people off lately, not because i was to busy for them, but because i just dont want to deal with drama from everybody else when i am trying to deal with my own.
If you are going down the road and you hit one of your usual bumps but it hits you harder than you were ready for and you start to panic, why does this have to happen to me right now? it is not that i cant handle it, it is just that i cant handle it RIGHT NOW is all that is running through your head. you wounder why people are not being more supportive then you just need to stop and think about it, people are helping the only way they know how, some will be there for you in person, they will show up and wait for you to tell them how they can help..... others cant always be there in person, but you can bet they will still do the best they can to make you feel better......then there are the ones that say to you, let me know if you need anything, and though they are being honest and they really would help if you asked, you wouldn't ask for it........ still others will do nothing, they will not lend an ear, they will not lend a hand, even if as a last resort you came to them for help, they would turn you away. but you have to know that there is always a reason behind why they will not help you, it could be your fault, it could be there's, or it could just be that they have problems in there lives that require attention that they can not turn away from. either way in the end you must realize that no matter who is there for you and who is not, you still have to do it on your own.
I try not to look back very often at the things people have done to me, and when i say that i forgive someone i want to act like it never happened, but i will never really forget what you did to me, i know that in your book it is a very small thing that took place, but your actions changed my life more than you could ever know, and all you did was make a simple phone call, i know it was a long time ago, and i want to forgive you for it, but i would not be at the place in my life right now if you would have let me make the choice, but you had to stick your nose in where it did not belong and i was the one who ended up having to pay for it. I have spent the last year or so thinking of a way to really let it go and forgive you, but every time i start to think that maybe you do regret it, you turn around and do something stupid again, i will help you when i can and a appreciate the help when you can, but dont you DARE think that we will ever be as close as if you didnt do that to me. there are few people out there that i would do almost anything for, and yes you are one of them, just because of who you are to me, but i am not helping with this one, i am stepping back for a while, cooling off, until you understand that with the situation i can not be involved without making matters worse. i am sorry things had to happen this way, but i have been caught in the middle of this arguement for way to long and i will gladly be a part of your life, but i am backing off if it even has a chance of that situation coming into our conversations.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
well i got a new camera, i had one but it was not working great because whenever you took a picture on it the people would be red, not there eyes........the people themselves would be red.
i love this camera, it is a still shot so you can spin round in circles and take a picture and it will still come out clear...... i have owned 5 cameras and by far this is the best.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
and here i am today, not regreting a moment of it, just unsure if it is how things were going to turn out or if it was me being greedy, did my selfishness ruin who i have become or has it made me stronger?do i have time to fix everything or do i wait and see where people stand?
am i traped?can i still be who i want to be?do i even know who that is anymore? how many more people do i have to hurt before i put other peoples needs before my own?
I dont want to go back to who i was, i may not be on the same page as everybody else right now, but it is not my job to make sure people stay on track, and it is not there job to keep me on mine. I dont want pity and i dont feel shame, all i ask is for you to not judge me for the choices i make, I am sorry you have problems, but we all do.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
i want you to know that i understand that you thought there was a chance, you didnt do it for me and you didnt do it for yourself i understand. It was big of you to try, i wanted to try i swear i did i just didnt break the ice in time, and people keep telling me things and saying you gotta swear your not going to say it was me that told you, well then shut up k just shut up. if you are going to tell me stuff that is fine go for it but if you are going to tell me bad stuff about someone i am trying to find some level to connect on then dont tell me i cant say anything to them, cause you cant not give them a chance to tell there side of the story, its just not fair to them. just because you dont want anything to do with someone doesnt mean i have to stop trying and part of me is mad ..... at me because i was stupid enough to listen to you............i lost my chance and i dont know what to say except sorry i got in your way and thank you for getting in mine.
I have a lot of strained relationships(if you can even call them that) AND i dont feel as if i have fully come to terms with how they turned out.
I have this fear of the term "I love you" i dont know where it comes from but for as long as i can remember my heart tugs whenever i say it. like it emotionally hurts me to say it. and it emotionally hurts others when i dont...... again its like i cant win.
People come and go and it will always be like that, but then there are people who come and go and come back again, I see myself as one of those people, i may not be around for ever but you can almost know that i will be back. I have a lot of bad feelings for people in my life but i dont wish anything bad for anyone. I wish that things were different with most everyone that i have ever had problems with, so many of them are great people under the surface and i saw my chances and trust me i had many of them and not once did i jump at them,
getting to know the true side of people...the one they hide until they get to know you.....it will tell you if that love you knew you would always feel....was just you lieing to your heart
it will tell you that the person you hated more than anything was the one you would end up with in rocking chairs in your 80's
that there is no difference between him leaving you when you were young or her leaving you just before you grew up,
that one person you can tell anything to......doesnt really exist
and never hold your breath..... its not coming
dont hate me, there is no reason to, we may have different opinions about things but your not going to change mine. people are who they choose to be.
as reconection month nears its end i cant help but think is that the reason i am where i am? there are to many problems that need fixing and by trying to fix them all i did was make other things bigger. there are plenty of relationships i have that i would do most anything not to lose, but you can only push me so far before i am going to stand up for myself, and if i lose you in the process then that is 100% your choice.
the way i look at things may be different then the way you look at things but what can you do about it i mean really you see the way you act to me as you dont know me, you are going to pretend you want to get to know me for the sake of those that you are trying to impress but deep down you think i am conniving and vindictive, well you know what i feel the same way about you. so honestly do you think i am a fool, i understand where you are coming from i really do, you think i am trying to steal your thunder, well trust me you got nothing i need. i tried to make you like me the only way i knew how, i am shy at first but if you can get past that then we might accually have something some day. i am not the type of person you would normal spend time with..........
what i dont understand is how on earth you of all people could pretend that you are better than me, i may not be perfect on any level but nobody is and dont think for a second that you are better than me.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
i started to worry because he went to a birhtday party and the next day the kids at the party were sick, really sick im talking er sick, one of them had to spend the night in the hospital, it was bad, and now all i can do is cross my fingers that jo doesnt get what they have. and that cole just makes it through all of it without getting sick at all.
i was not the one who payed for the first set of repairs, and boy that really makes me sound cheap. i did pay for the next set of them, i had gone almost 2 months with driving other peoples cars or getting rides and i just wanted my baby back. i got it back and in no time at all there were more problems, i am not even kidding, i think it happened the first day i tried to drive it after getting it back. and i was not the one who payed to fix that problem either, wow i really am cheap, people like to help me, and i am not saying i dont enjoy the help i am just saying that i wish i was above needing it all the time.
well i have my car and needless to say i am not being any more careful with it, to many more repairs and its over, i dont think it will be worth it. after it was fixed and working this time i had it five days and went over 400 miles in that timeframe. i almost ran out of gas last night, and knowing this might happen i still went an extra 40 miles without putting a penny into it. i get over 30 miles to the gallon, with the amount of driving i do i gotta say that is a really good thing.
Monday, February 1, 2010
then at 1 donna came over and hung out for a little while.
i started reconection month by fixing my friendship with donna, and so far so good, we talk and hung out, it was nice i hope everything stays on this path, and this is just the begining of it, not just destoryed relationships, even ones you just let slip away because you didntg have the time to keep them strong, i dont care if you were friends for a day or a lifetime, if you let it slip, now is the time to fix it, you have till the end of feb. and you have absolutely no excuses.