Tuesday, February 23, 2010

do you ever worry what people are going to think about you if you do something...... today i decided that its fun to play games and mess around but at some point you do accually have to grow up, i am not saying that i did that but i used to have to beat around the bush all the time and not accually express how i was feeling, and yes 9 times out of 10 i am still like that but the point is i want to be bigger. cant i try that.

I have a lot of strained relationships(if you can even call them that) AND i dont feel as if i have fully come to terms with how they turned out.
I have this fear of the term "I love you" i dont know where it comes from but for as long as i can remember my heart tugs whenever i say it. like it emotionally hurts me to say it. and it emotionally hurts others when i dont...... again its like i cant win.

People come and go and it will always be like that, but then there are people who come and go and come back again, I see myself as one of those people, i may not be around for ever but you can almost know that i will be back. I have a lot of bad feelings for people in my life but i dont wish anything bad for anyone. I wish that things were different with most everyone that i have ever had problems with, so many of them are great people under the surface and i saw my chances and trust me i had many of them and not once did i jump at them,

getting to know the true side of people...the one they hide until they get to know you.....it will tell you if that love you knew you would always feel....was just you lieing to your heart
it will tell you that the person you hated more than anything was the one you would end up with in rocking chairs in your 80's
that there is no difference between him leaving you when you were young or her leaving you just before you grew up,
that one person you can tell anything to......doesnt really exist
and never hold your breath..... its not coming

dont hate me, there is no reason to, we may have different opinions about things but your not going to change mine. people are who they choose to be.

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