so i thought i was begining to figure things out in this crazy world i am now living in.........thats right NOW living in.... things were different before, were they better....dont know yet but they were a whole lot different. up was up and down was down, there was no code i had to work my way through. now i just dont know what to think about a years ago i had some bad friends and though most of the people i lost all conections with for dare i say months..... things were really looking up for me..... i am back on good terms with most everybody that i have had problems with in the past.....but was it worth it???? i still dont know the answer to that question, i have not always been there for people when they needed me, but i am soooo close to not haveing one of the most important friendships that i have ever had... and its my pride, thats all it is. i am so exausted from trying to make people happy when is it my turn?

as reconection month nears its end i cant help but think is that the reason i am where i am? there are to many problems that need fixing and by trying to fix them all i did was make other things bigger. there are plenty of relationships i have that i would do most anything not to lose, but you can only push me so far before i am going to stand up for myself, and if i lose you in the process then that is 100% your choice.

the way i look at things may be different then the way you look at things but what can you do about it i mean really you see the way you act to me as you dont know me, you are going to pretend you want to get to know me for the sake of those that you are trying to impress but deep down you think i am conniving and vindictive, well you know what i feel the same way about you. so honestly do you think i am a fool, i understand where you are coming from i really do, you think i am trying to steal your thunder, well trust me you got nothing i need. i tried to make you like me the only way i knew how, i am shy at first but if you can get past that then we might accually have something some day. i am not the type of person you would normal spend time with..........

what i dont understand is how on earth you of all people could pretend that you are better than me, i may not be perfect on any level but nobody is and dont think for a second that you are better than me.